The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say an uncommon-place thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles...
It's winter in Austin, TX. It's cold and wet. Brrh. We were able to sleep in a bit this morning b/c Jacob had a dr.'s appt. He's doing good. I was glad for the extra seconds since I was up with the tube last night. I had to see if Dr. Grey and McDreamy decided to give it a go. Unfortunately, not, and he and his wifey adopted her maniac dog. I've given up ER for Grey's Anatomy. and...I watched the desperate bitches- which is a terribly lame ass show- whilst the least bit entertaining was the slut and the nun clawing and biting in the middle of the church!
yea, I know. I should be interested in finding more productive things to do with myself. I'm not.
While it's not my style to reveal personal things about myself (that are actually true) today is different.
I spend a lot of time living my life with substantial assurance that what is here today will be here tomorrow and that I can make my decisions based on the fact that a finite number of people will be affected by them and will approve or disaprove of them. If I find myself lost in a memory or conjuring up scenarios for future trysts I have the aptitude to recognize these tarryings and bring myself into the present moment. (Many thanks to Ekhart Tolle.) My point is that I want it all to mean something. In the end. I want to have meant something. I don't want to be a waste of time. Like what Kerouac said in On The Road.
How much do we invest in today while thinking always about tomorrow. Am I living a cautious life now because I have a family? Is it to ensure that I will be in good health when I meet my grandchildren and I have decided that I don't want to hack up a lupus lung on their second grade art project. "Come here, hack hack, let me see that,
As a supposed temporary solution my grandmother was moved into a nursing home last week. I don't know what any of this blog meant...but, I may be a little depressed. I just don't want to get old. I don't want my grandma to be old. I don't go to funerals. I hope that's okay in my family. (Some people don't go to Christmas ;-o ) If I visit her now and we have a good time then things get worse, I'm not going back. Maybe I can bring my video camera. I can record us having a good time. Everything's going to be fine.
No comments:
Post a Comment