Thursday, December 23, 2010

A Golden Hue?


Alas, the fall garden is producing veggies at long last!
I have Brussels Sprouts galore growing on the stalk - a brocolli bunch and kale kale kale.

Monday, December 6, 2010

The Holidaze

Friends,
I met someone in June, he was a nice enough fella, we enjoyed each other's company until well, we didn't anymore.
We continued a friendship through the summer and fall only to have a slight falling out at the first of November.
Before the falling out...I gave his business contact information to a friend- to see if he could get some work started as he's new to Texas.
That friend did indeed call him and the job panned out.
Whilst on the job, that person that was my friend, met a woman- the homeowner of the residence getting the work done...he was attracted to her and he began to get to know her. This made no difference to me, really, you see, because I have been enjoying my new found single-hood- and have never stopped putting out the I'm meeting new people vibe. I didn't wish that he would either, but I was quite fond of our little casual friendship.
Things progressed positively for him and his lady-friend....to the point that he wrote me an email explaining that our friendship was being put on the shelf a bit- as he didn't want to be a burden to me while I sort through a major personal issue.
The struggle I am dealing with now is that after receiving the email I attempted to keep in touch- very casually and not very often, but it did take a couple of weeks for me to adjust to the new boundaries.
My friend did not respond well to my reluctance to accept the changes and it led to our falling out.
The friend of mine that offered him the job, the job that led to his meeting the woman, the woman that led to the demise of our nice little casual acquaintance, that man, and his wife are having a holiday party this weekend on Saturday.
My friend has also been invited.
He is going. I am going as well.
I have five days to wrap my head around what this situation may be like, maintain my current weight to look atleast as good as I do now in the strapless black cocktail party dress that I will be smashing the party in- and I have to come up with at least three go to stories or conversation starters that I can use to mingle and avoid eye contact with former friend or his date- whom i'm already assuming is generic, shallow, uninteresting and a complete waste of space.
Well, I am.
So, moral of the story- irony. And, dating post-divorce is a royal pain in the arse, but still not worse than marriage.
Ciao

Friday, October 8, 2010

When need imposes

This evening I was with my youngest son and we were heading to Dan's Hamburgers for some Mom and Son time for dinner. As I pulled into my parking spot I caught the eye of someone waiting at the bus stop. I reached over for my purse in the passenger's seat and turned toward the door only to find that person at my car door. He asked if I could help him so I narrowly lowered my window and he explained that he was stranded and in need of medical attention, being a diabetic he was from a nearby suburb and unable to get home for an insulin injection. He tried to continue on that if only he had 2.5 gallons of gas he could return home.
His speech was definitely slurred, he admitted that he was weak, he didn't want to ask for help but something had not turned out the way he'd expected - a visit to a church was involved where the preacher wasn't there, it didn't make sense, and I didn't want to be fed a slew of half-truths or out right lies.
I told him that because he is diabetic I wanted to help him, I asked if he'd eaten and he had not, he tried once more for the gasoline but I refused to give him money. I asked him to come in with us, my son and me, and I bought dinner for all of us.
He didn't sit with us, and he didn't stay around after he finished his burger. I hope some of what I did helped him. I hope he didn't get sick because I felt like I forced him to eat and maybe I shouldn't have. However, his need imposed on my dinner with my son, and I responded as best as I could. I feel kind of decent about it.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

free pudding, kitchen sinks and a plea to make the world a better place.

free pudding, kitchen sinks and a plea to make the world a better place.

I didn't write it and I can't claim that I thought of it first...so I'll just re-post it and hope you enjoy.

Friday, September 3, 2010

My cashmere scarf

repost from years ago...

The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say an uncommon-place thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles...

It's winter in Austin, TX. It's cold and wet. Brrh. We were able to sleep in a bit this morning b/c Jacob had a dr.'s appt. He's doing good. I was glad for the extra seconds since I was up with the tube last night. I had to see if Dr. Grey and McDreamy decided to give it a go. Unfortunately, not, and he and his wifey adopted her maniac dog. I've given up ER for Grey's Anatomy. and...I watched the desperate bitches- which is a terribly lame ass show- whilst the least bit entertaining was the slut and the nun clawing and biting in the middle of the church!

yea, I know. I should be interested in finding more productive things to do with myself. I'm not.

While it's not my style to reveal personal things about myself (that are actually true) today is different.

I spend a lot of time living my life with substantial assurance that what is here today will be here tomorrow and that I can make my decisions based on the fact that a finite number of people will be affected by them and will approve or disaprove of them. If I find myself lost in a memory or conjuring up scenarios for future trysts I have the aptitude to recognize these tarryings and bring myself into the present moment. (Many thanks to Ekhart Tolle.) My point is that I want it all to mean something. In the end. I want to have meant something. I don't want to be a waste of time. Like what Kerouac said in On The Road.

How much do we invest in today while thinking always about tomorrow. Am I living a cautious life now because I have a family? Is it to ensure that I will be in good health when I meet my grandchildren and I have decided that I don't want to hack up a lupus lung on their second grade art project. "Come here, hack hack, let me see that, , cough cough, now, that's nice dear. Oh I'm sorry, let me wipe that off."

As a supposed temporary solution my grandmother was moved into a nursing home last week. I don't know what any of this blog meant...but, I may be a little depressed. I just don't want to get old. I don't want my grandma to be old. I don't go to funerals. I hope that's okay in my family. (Some people don't go to Christmas ;-o ) If I visit her now and we have a good time then things get worse, I'm not going back. Maybe I can bring my video camera. I can record us having a good time. Everything's going to be fine.

Just meet everyone you can every where you go

My life is not dull; it is not encapsulated in a shell of self-imposed isolation; my life lives and breathes; my life exudes from its own pores. I love my life and I love when I am fully present in it.

This evening my tarryings brought me to the Newflower Market. I was in line (naturally) when the person behind me asked me about my purchase, beer, and it led us into a three minute conversation that was so light and pleasant. I completed my purchase, turned to him and outstretched my hand, "My name is Amy," I said. He shook my hand, "Derek," he replied. So easy, so unassuming, so human. I love interaction. I love unabashed friendliness.
And it makes me feel so connected to my true self when I shuck the shackles and talk to a stranger.
It's how I met 7-11 and how I met Nick. Maybe it's not always such a good thing, best 2 out 3? I'll take those odds.

I saw a monkey on my way to work today

It was not your usual run of the mill gorrilla costume either. This person was dressed from head to toe in a monkey costume. He wasn't advertising anything he was just standing on the sidewalk...staring at people driving by. I remember once I saw a gorilla on my way to the grocery store. He was at the Chevron on Riverside and Congress. I think he was trying to scare people because he was on top of a brick post and he was pounding his fists on his chest. Not the monkey though. He was waving at people. Keeping Austin Weird, one monkey at a time! Thanks Monkey Man, you really made my day.


*TaG* 10 things

10 things I have to do in this lifetime

See the Northern Lights

Go to the Galapagos Islands

Volunteer to help save the environment

Visit Mount Athos

Re-learn to play piano and guitar

Learn to play cello

Build the home of my dreams (as seen in Dwell magazine)

Ride a motorcycle across the US

Ski the first tracks at Deer Valley

Take a train ride on the Orient Express

Growth

We do not grow absolutely, chronologically.
We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another, unevenly.
We grow partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm,
childish in another. The past, present, and future mingle and pull us
backward, forward, or fix us in the present.
We are made up of layers, cells, constellations."
-Anaïs Nin

A present for me?

Aw, guess what!....while at work today I got a visit from B. She was picking up some items left at the church from Pascha. She let me know it was a pick-up and a drop-off visit. Her basket was full and heavy so I helped her get it into her car. She walked around to the passenger side and said "Let's see what the angels have brought us today." She retrieved an envelope from her bag and handed it to me. Written on the front of the envelope was, To "our" Amy. I asked, "A present for me?" "For our Amy whom without we would not want to do. " She replied. AWESOME!

I brought the card inside to my desk and opened it up. It was a rather thick card with a Hoppy Bunny on the cover and $250 inside. And needless to say it was completely unexpected. In fact, there are so many projects, outfits and hairstyles I have put off completely due to my unwillingness to spend money rather than save. Here I have the money and now I can follow through with my wishes. I am completely thankful! With love to Amy from the Parish. Hooray!


Read more: http://www.myspace.com/pixieap/blog?page=4#ixzz0yWT52lGg

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Super Food

I am planning a weekend camping trip to Balmorrhea State Park this weekend. I have doubts that this trip will happen but I've been hoping to go for over a month now. If I don't go I'll regret it.

Friday, July 30, 2010

It's like the most I can do to create a new station on Pandora

Cyclical motion, not the worst I could imagine but not desirable in the least. I'd like to think I was constantly moving upward but I can't fool even the newest of acquaintances at the moment. So, I will own it. My life is facing a decline unless I make some vigorous conscious changes.
I am still having sporadic thoughts of slight genius inspired by something I'm able to focus my mind on for half a minute. As they come in I am trying to make note of a few a day.
Wow. I'm so bummed about the way things are going I don't think I have it in me to be less vague about it.
I've got my chin up. I'm chipping away at this day by day.

Friday, April 9, 2010

Music is my beach house!

The scenery is changing. The view outside of my front window will not be the same.
My outlook is broadening. My plans are shifting.
My heart is open and my body is full tilt.
I don't see the finish line anymore and this is not a sprint.
This is how it all starts!