I like to be alone I like to be together

We could ride to the top of the highest point and look down on the city and see the whole of civilization and know that it's just us, and we may feel that there are no rules at the top, and we may ride back down through the winds of life like a breath of solitude that always finds a way to connect you to someone no matter how strongly you resist.

And the ropes that tie you up actually free you from all the care that you suppose you're expected to live by.

And you see the sun and you feel its warmth and it illuminates your understanding but not that of everyone else's. And you are grateful for your perspective and its superiority.

And that is maddening and freeing simultaneously.

Always Goes Commando

This is where my mind goes after reading a lot of Charles Bukowski:

I think about you from time to time
Throughout my day as I listen to the public radio station
I always told you it’s the only station in town worth a damn
Really at all and I meant it
You’d say you were lucky found that great parking spot
It wasn’t enough that you met me that we danced under the stars
Your luck was intoxicating to you it could drive you from your belief
I think about you from time to time
I listen to the public radio station and I stay connected to this town
But I couldn’t stay connected to you
Suppose I thought I was the lucky one, or maybe just as lucky as you
I’ve lived it, it’s a fact, things that come my way turn to gold
When things don’t turn to gold, when they fade, maybe the things that were
Gold flaked, you know those things that just got that shiny coat painted on
Those things never make it as long as we did. Wow, you know once those flakes show
What’s really underneath. But, you weren’t like that. I am not like that.
I think about you from time to time.
Suppose I thought that two lucky ones in love together is just absurd. It’s unfair to the rest of them
Why the hell would I care about that? I don’t care how my luck joined with yours keeps the others
From getting the best seat at the concert. We make things happen. It’s how we do it. And when I don’t
Feel able it’s okay because you’re there to do it for me and I do the same for you.
Your luck was an aphrodisiac. You weren’t of the common mindset the one that says when you find a good girl you give it one hundred percent.
It wasn’t enough that we met and that we shared something rare. It wasn’t golden to you.

When everything freezes

Life must go on; the show can't stop for the cold.
I tried for several days to cover the garden & the beautiful flowers planted near the front door. It was all to no avail. The small stalk of broccoli that I held in my hand just disintegrated between my fingers. I have asked the question, "Will I plant a fall garden again?" I'll ask the question but I don't have to give the answer yet. I will turn my focus to the spring and begin to plan for the vegetables that will go into the soil to replace the Brussels sprouts, kale, broccoli and cilantro. However optimistic I may be about the fortitude of vegetables that make in spring, I am saddened by the loss or the ending of the spiritual growth and renewal I associated with the fall garden. Everything about that time was so meditative and purposeful. I question what purpose I have going forward these days. The changes I faced then and the challenges I proposed to myself to test my faith in my abilities as a single mom and newly single adult woman those challenges and changes have become what seems like normal life now. It's true, I've grown accustomed to the loneliness, I've become more comfortable in solitude, and I've met so many new people that I don't feel strange starting my story from the beginning over and over again.
The spring garden, it must be. All the other things, the things I implemented, they won't cease but they will evolve. I am evolving. I am learning, growing and know now that things freeze.

I don't make New Year's Resolutions for myself, but I do offer them to others...

I thought long and hard about the new year and what I wanted it to mean to me...I reflected on the efforts I'd taken in 2010 to meet the changes in my life with hope and optimism and I both congratulated my successes and acknowledged the ongoing opportunities...places where I'd fallen short. I felt that what I really wanted to acquire was wisdom to be a person truly qualified to make a decent attempt at raising two children as a single parent- and that the source for that type of wisdom needed a shift in focus. I even gave the year a theme, "Self improvement through self awareness." What I decided to do is volunteer with an organization called Family Eldercare. I will be paired up with someone and visit that person twice a month - maybe helping with financial things like bill pay- or read to that person, maybe sing, maybe arts and crafts. We'll meet and then decide.

Just wanted to let you know one little thing about what is going on with me.

Honey Creek State Natural Area

I ventured out of town for a guided tour of the Honey Creek State Natural Area, a secluded area within the Guadalupe State Park grounds. I left Austin with the rising sun and the drive was absolutely gorgeous. I arrived at the park about eighty minutes later ready to hike and observe the birds, native plants and the mile long spring fed creek within hiking distance. It was an incredible morning. The birds I noted seeing were Eastern Phoebe, Golden crowned Kinglet, a flock of Robins, a Woodpecker, plus others. There were only three of us, plus our guide Paul. The other woman on the hike is a Master Naturalist with a specialization in birds. Perfect! She took me under her wing and introduced each bird and described their unique distinctions. I am once again so thankful for my life, for my willingness to pursue adventures and greet new experiences with a beginner's mind.

Always practice your swing

No matter what happens every day you have to get up and practice your swing.
It doesn't matter how lonely, sad and angry you feel, get up and do it.
You might feel like a bird pooped on your head but just dont walk under that high wire tomorrow.
learn from your mistakes.
Complacency won't do me in.
Complacency can lead you down the wrong path.
Sometimes you can see so much success in your life, so much that your career keeps going up a hill, it seem that nothing can stop you but then something comes along and it breaks your bank.
It's like when you're playing Mario Bros. and you get hit and all your coins drop out and you're like, "Whoa, all my coins are gone."
Do not believe in your losses, believe in your gains, believe in yourself, believe in what you have inside of you. you are good you are strong, you are a fortunate person to be living and breathing and open to the opportunity for the future!!